


You did good.

by blurryfaceThalia



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: No archive warnings because spoilers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, endgame spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18609583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurryfaceThalia/pseuds/blurryfaceThalia
Summary: !! ENDGAME SPOILERS !!If you haven't watched the movie, don't read this. I wrote it to cope with my feelings after watching it. It's about Tony, and it will probably hurt you.





	You did good.

His life has changed _so_ much.  
Tony couldn’t bear to remember the time shortly after being kidnapped – or before that, too. _Before,_ his life was only a party and him and some chicks to have fun with. _After_ , it was loud noises and water drowning him and pains in his chest. It was Yinsen shaking him awake, stirring guilt inside of him, and stirring something else; something made out of iron and blood.

Betrayal was painful, but it was something that he’d experience a lot of in his life. He still remembers being barely an adult and _hurting_ \- his father was never there, but suddenly his mother wasn’t either, and they _dared_ to leave, thanks to something as mundane as a car accident. Starks aren’t meant to be so fragile, they’re supposed to be iron, like his father always said; and then he was abruptly all alone, trying to forge his bones into something worthy. (Of course, that wasn’t what really happened. But how was he supposed to know? Oh, if he’d only known.)  
Much later it was Obadiah. Family, that didn’t hesitate to get him killed once he didn’t serve his purpose anymore.  
And finally, Steve.

That was a whole other mess.  
Best friends don’t promise to be there to fight together, hell, even _loose_ together – only to abandon him for someone Steve doesn’t even know anymore. Steve broke his promise, he chose the other guy over him – not that that would surprise Tony at all – but it made everything else much worse.  
Because then it was spaceships again, and the feeling that he can’t breathe and god, how he hates space. He doesn’t like to remember his beginning; but he will never be able to forget what came after.  
The fight, the blood, the dust – the _kid_. Jesus. His kid.

Ever since then there has been a fury in his bones and a closeness to his chest, his vision made up of sharp edges and dull colors. He came home, thanks to space girl, but at what cost.  
Steve greeted him, and Tony would have liked to strangle him on the spot. How does he dare, _how can he dare_ – Tony has no energy left. He collapses, and the darkness takes everything he has ever loved with him.

It was always tough. Flinching because of loud noises, sudden movements, his thoughts whirling without a pause and without making sense. But this, this was so much worse than anything after the battle of New York. It wasn’t just anxiety attacks, he felt like he was still in battle, as if Thanos could pop up any second and fight him over another half of the living population. He never left anything out of sight, he didn’t stand still, sleeping was torture, even more than before. There were no happy dreams.  
He simply didn’t find peace. His inside was always a storm, taking everything in it’s reach and ripping it out, leaving him with nothing but the sense of something new lost to another cause he would never be able to fulfill.

Tony was done, or at least he thought so. The Avengers could do whatever the fuck they wanted, he just wanted to sleep, to _rest_ , he needed to close his eyes and just not feel for a second, _please_ -  
But dear lord, he felt. And he could be so lucky to feel Pepper, because she damn well tried her best to fill his senses completely, until nothing else but her was left. When his iron suit faded and his bones showed, she was there to keep him safe.  
And she rescued him.

He didn’t invite any of them to his wedding. Only Rhodey was allowed to attend. He didn’t want them to be there, not even to congratulate him. He couldn’t stand seeing either of them. It reminded him too much of his failure, of what they lost – not only a fight, but Tony lost his new family there, too. And now it was time to make a new one.

Morgan was everything he had ever wished for. So cheerful, his clever little girl, and he was scared shitless of the idea of him being a father. Sometimes he’d remember his own childhood, he’d remember his father and all the nights he was alone, or when he was scolded for wanting his attention. But then he would remember Jarvis, and thought to himself, if he could only be a little like him – he would be fine.  
And luckily, he wasn’t in it alone. Pepper and he made a spectacular team. One he never could have dreamed of, his mind, so full of ideas and chances and possibilities always had a hard time trying to process this kind of luck. Love. Fate. Somehow, she could put up with him, and he wasn’t one to complain, and after some time his fear of being abandoned by her melted away.

And Morgan made it all worth it. Over the years the sharp edges faded away until he couldn’t use them as a weapon anymore, and his daughter softened his eyes, Pepper filling his heart and his lungs. The iron melted to a pool of brooding mess, right under the surface. But he could breathe again. There were still terrors in the night, shaky breaths and hands when fixing Pepper her own suit; always thinking about the future that he wanted his girls to have. He wanted, no, he _needed_ them to be safe. It was quiet here in the woods, a beautiful little place, but he couldn’t rest. He couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t.

Tony never had been able to stop.  
Maybe that’s why the Avengers – or what’s left of them – stood on his doorstep again, asking for help. He convinced himself he didn’t want anything to do with it, with _them_ , after all, this plan was beyond anything that ever seemed possible. But hadn’t he done the impossible so many, many times before? He loved, and he had a family now, for god’s sake. A little time travel couldn’t stop him.  
Of course it didn’t stop him.

Tony has had a hard time living with himself for most of his life. It tended to suffocate him. Living with what he failed to save, what he managed to lose – it was the hardest thing he had ever done. Step for step, just so he could keep walking; melting iron and forging something new along the way – someone he wasn’t sure what to feel about. They traveled in time, they got the stones, and he felt hope: there was nothing that he wouldn’t do so he could savior this feeling. Feeling alive again, winning a battle he thought they had lost for good.  
But he thought of battle and meant the mission, the fight was yet to come. And boy, did it come.

Maybe, he thought, maybe this all has been the journey for his end – to come to terms with everything. Seeing his father again, after all this time, or well; he wasn’t his father then. Not then. But Tony couldn’t believe seeing him like this, nervous and _trying_. He was trying, and Tony could see himself in him, what somehow didn’t seem to be so bad.

And then, after so much time, he was faced with his worst fear again.  
That ugly-ass purple grape was back, but not this time, _not this time_ , he wouldn’t let him win – they were together again, all of them. Pepper was here, with him this time. And Tony almost sobbed with relief when the kid stood in front of him again, still being his more or less cheerful self – more insecure and more broken now, for sure, but _here_ nevertheless. Peter was here.

He didn’t plan to do what he did. It was a decision in the matter of seconds, and there were no other options, and he snapped his fingers before he could think of Morgan and change his mind. The pain was unbearable, until it wasn’t. Until he couldn’t feel anything anymore.  
It was hard to breathe, which was ironic considering he spent the last years trying to relearn how to breathe again. He was so lucky to have Peter in his arms in the next second – he couldn’t feel it, but he was there, he could smell the sweat and blood and dust.  
No energy left to answer.  
But Pepper. She was here. He tried to take her in, completely, soundly. Thanos had faded, it was over. _It was over_. **_Over_**.

She touched his face, and his sight blurred, but she was there, and they were safe. He made sure that his girls could be safe. His girls. Pepper. Morgan.

“You did good.”, Pepper said and he wished he could feel her hand on his cheek, “You can rest now, Tony.”  
He can rest now. It’s over, finally. Suddenly living with himself didn’t feel so much like a burden anymore. He can rest now. Breathing was impossible, but it was meant to be that way. He can rest now. _I love you, Pepper_. You can rest now. _Tell Morgan I love her three thousand_.  
Tony can rest now.

And the tenseness faded from his bones, no longer iron. _Rest_.


End file.
